Movie reviews – archive

American coming-of-age comedy starring Mae Whitman and Robbie Amell.
DUFF is urban slang for “Designated Ugly Fat Friend” and in the harsh, bitch-eat-bitch world of an American high school you really don’t wanna be the DUFF in your group of mates.
You want to be the hot one, the kind one, the popular one, or the sporty one .. never the nerd. Not the one that others approach to get to the good ones …
On a superficial level, this could be yet another of those teen movies so beloved by US audiences, like Mean Girl or American Pie, but first impressions are often wrong … very wrong. Take another look, and you’ll find there’s more to The DUFF than you might expect. This could well be another Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller.
The two leads are eminently likeable: cute, geeky Bianca (Whitman) and her long-time next door neighbour, sporty hunk Wesley (Amell); there’s a couple of fantastic teachers, one being a mentor, the other a dubious moral pillar; then there’s the hilarious formerly alcoholic mother who, following a messy divorce from Bianca’s father, reinvented herself as a motivational speaker after seeing the classic Simpsons clip featuring Homer going through the five stages of grief; and finally .. the enemy: glamorous prom queen, Madison.
Madison is one of those great “love to hate” characters that make you grind your teeth every time she appears. She’s what’s known (apparently!) as “pre-famous” and her goal in life is to appear on a reality TV show. With that in mind, her best friend follows her everywhere, filming pretty much everything she does on her phone before releasing it to Madison’s YouTube channel.
Now, there’s a serious message here about internet trolls and bullying.
That’s why this movie raises itself above the usual teen dross – that, and a sharp script, realistic dialogue and some stellar performances throughout.
It is a wholesome American movie on one level, but it also has an indie heart in that Bianca occasionally breaks the fourth wall as she turns narrator in her own story. Also, there’s a peppering of surreal “what if I did this right now” moments in which she daydreams what she’d really like to say or do before snapping back to reality.
In short, if you have pre-teen or teenage kids, this would be an excellent choice, either to drop them at the cinema to watch it, or to watch as a family. Alternatively, it stands on its own as a well-crafted, intelligent comedy.

American “comedy” caper starring Kevin James.
Within five minutes, I was cringing .. and not in the good way that Curb Your Enthusiasm or The Office make you cringe.
Car crash comedy ? … this ain’t it.
Lowest common denominator comedy ? … bingo !
If you’ve seen the trailer already, do yourself a favour and just pretend you’ve seen the whole movie because you’ve seen all the best bits.
There’s one genuinely funny physical joke: a proper slapstick, cartoon moment, made possible by today’s CGI technology – you’ll probably know the one I mean.
Other than that ? Terrible, cheesy attempts at humour .. weird relationships between characters .. two fabricated “love” interests that beggar belief .. and not much else. Unless you like those odd, two-wheeled transport things, Segways. There’s a lot of “Segway action”. Oh yes .. this is a veritable Segway promotion of a movie.
There’s one or two genuine LOL moments: one, when the lead suffers a sugar crash and Kevin James’ physicality is perfect and completely unexpected. The other – only a maybe – is when he unleashes some of the latest non-lethal technology available to security guards across America.
We know how men can be when they put on a uniform, but this is taking a theme too far …
Without a doubt, the worst film I’ve seen this year.

Stylish revenge film noir starring Keanu Reeves
Legendary assassin John Wick is roused from retirement and forced back into the murky underworld he turned his back on five years ago to avenge the destruction of his late wife’s parting gift.
One of the most beautiful films I’ve had the pleasure of seeing lately, this is more than just a slick and stylish action movie … this is forties Bogart mixed with a John Woo gangster flick rounded off with some real life violence like the new Bond on steroids.
I’ve actually seen this three times now, but tonight was the first time on the big screen and I found it odd that in a packed auditorium (another free preview for unlimited members) lots of people laughed at the one liners.
What I took to be serious nods of respect to the past, many viewers here just thought were wisecracks from a comic book hero which spoiled it a little bit for me. There are some deliberate flashes of humour, but they come more from characterisation than dialogue. Willem Defoe, as a wily old pro, and an excellent cameo from Ian McShane playing the slightly camp owner of an “assassins hotel”, set the standard early on and it’s only reinforced by some stellar performances from the rest of the ensemble, in particular bad boy villain, Iosef, played by Game Of Thrones’ Alfie Allen.
With the kind of face that just begs to be slapped, he’s perfectly cast as the errant son of the local Russian mafiosi who happens to pick the wrong fight when he steals the car of our hero.
His dad – knowing it’s just a matter of time – calls Wick to plead for his idiot offspring’s life and deal with the situation “like civilised men”. Wick just puts the phone down. When his henchman asks what he said, the ill-fated father just says “.. enough”.
And so the scene is set ..
John Wick is Keanu’s best film for years and the thinking man’s thriller. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, but it’s way better than 99% of the gangster/crime/spy/action/thrillers on offer these days. It’ll make you think, it’ll make you smile, it’ll make you wince .. and that’s just the first ten minutes. Be warned: John Wick is back.

fast 7FAST & FURIOUS 7
As a late convert to the Fast franchise, I had high hopes for the final movie in the series. I enjoyed the original, but 2 & 3 were distinctly average, before normal service was resumed with the reunion of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. Apparently they rescued the “brand” by presenting strong ideas for four films to the studio which immediately put them into production.
Their faith was fully justified with the excellent 4th film, Fast And Furious, while the next couple (5 and 6) just cranked it up even more, leaving fans buzzing ahead of this final release.
I’m happy to report it’s the best in the series for me. The story-line is strong, with a seething Jason Statham stepping up to the plate to avenge his brother, while there’s some light relief in the shape of a jovial Kurt Russell, playing the part of a black ops chief. The Rock is back too, so the gang’s all together again, looking to set the record straight and earn a pardon so they can live happily ever after.
But nothing’s ever that simple, is it ?
There’s the return of another key character but in case you haven’t seen the trailer, there’ll be no spoilers from me.
The plot sees us swing from London to LA via the UAE, which is a beautiful backdrop, especially in super-slo-mo as cars sail through the air. This really is outlandishly tongue-in-cheek, almost to the point of out-camping Roger Moore-era James Bond. The cars are gorgeous, as are the women, the men and the guns.
Contrived ? Maybe. Cheesy ? Definitely. Enjoyable ? You bet your sweet ass, baby.
In the end, it’s also a fitting tribute to Paul Walker, RIP.
There should be no more movies in the series as a mark of respect to the man. I know the stars feel that way: I just hope the studio resists the urge to print some more money and stands by their wishes.

Second in the Divergent series of sci-fi/fantasy adventures, starring Shailene Woodley and Kate Winslett
Following directly on from Divergent, the Dauntless faction has been splintered, with some working for the ruling Erudite, while the rest are either on the run outside the fence or merged covertly with Candor.
After the slaughter of the Abnegation faction, an ancient artifact has been found: a small box depicting all five faction symbols, which as yet remains unopened.
The key ? Well, it would appeare to be a divergent as the tests for all five classes need to be passed before it gives up its secret.
The race is on to find one strong enough. Several have been tried: all have failed … you know what that means – there can be only one key divergent.
If none of this makes sense but you like the sound of it, I suggest you watch the first film, namely Divergent. It’s a variation on a classic theme explored by Ira Levin in his 1970 novel, This Perfect Day, and George Orwell in 1984, wherein society is formally structured with roles and tasks for everyone, along with allocated housing, cultural events and leisure activities. Everything is state controlled but with control comes rebellion … in the case of this story, it’s in the shape of “divergent individuals” who do not conform to any one class or societal role.
As in reality, it’s the non-conformists that make life interesting …
As in the first film, the faction tests are a lot of fun for the viewer as you never quite know what’s a simulation and what’s reality …
This is a solid sci-fi adventure that’s more cerebral than the usual action fare sometimes offered up by the genre, such as last month’s Jupiter Ascending. Both have strong female leads, but the latter had little in the way of character development. Insurgent sucks you in and you feel involved, especially when the story is cranked up during the face-off between Woodley and Winslett.

Animated/live action family frolic, starring Antonio Banderas
This is a serious contender for movie of the year so far, it’s that good.
Not only is it laugh out loud funny, but it’s clever, creative, psychedelic, surreal, highly original and beautifully crafted. It never loses that familiar Spongebob silliness and nor does the tongue stray far from the cheek.
The very fabric of undersea society is at risk of complete meltdown when the secret formula for the Krabby Cakes burger recipe goes missing amid mysterious circumstances and Spongebob – as chief flipper of said burgers – takes it upon himself to get it back, along with the help of his friends and one of his (usual) enemies. Along the way he invents a time machine, has someone wander through his brain – a beautifully rendered sequence featuring a wise dolphin voiced by Matt Berry – and eventually ends up on dry land for the first time whereupon the gang decide to reinvent themselves as superheroes.
Meanwhile, Senor Banderas is acting as a pirate narrator of these antics before proceeding to set himself up in the – wait for it – crab-cake business on the very same beachfront our heroes are drawn to.
See the connection ?
This reminded me a lot of Yellow Submarine – especially the bit inside Bob’s head, which is totally trippy – but there’s plenty of other movie homages here too, including The Shining and The Good, The Bad And The Ugly. There’s loads of split level gags to keep adults and children laughing at the same time and yet there’s none of the usual sugary message overload, apart from a general running joke about working together as a team.
I loved it. It blends traditional animation with 3D CGI and live action seamlessly. It’s restored my faith in family cartoons following last week’s lame effort, Home. I’m guessing it’s been released after half-term to tie in with Spring Break in the US so you might need to wait till Easter to get the chance to take everyone along, but do yourself a favour and do just that.
To paraphrase the Lego Movie, everything about this film is awesome.

Sean Penn thriller
Central Africa, 2006. Penn is ex-special forces and part of a tight-knit security team guarding western aid workers, including his own girlfriend, a French doctor helping the locals while multi-national companies search for oil on the dark continent.
There’s high-level political interest and millions of dollars at stake – why else would the west get involved in Africa ? – and as the story unfolds, it turns out that Penn and his crew are running two contracts simultaneously: one for protection, the other something else entirely.
As ever, no spoilers from me, but Penn is forced to leave suddenly after events spiral …
Fast forward to the present day and all but two of the group are dead and an attempt is made on Penn’s own life by a mysterious trio of militia men, armed with distinctive weaponry and with one thing on their minds. As Penn’s grip on reality begins to slip – too many blows to the head and some serious post-trauma issues, both mental and physical – the story moves to London and Barcelona.
Featuring Javier Bardem and Ray Winstone, this is run-of-the-mill stuff, really. A bit like Liam Neeson’s “Run All Night” it’s a diverting couple of hours, but there’s nothing new or particularly original about the plot and I didn’t care enough about any of the characters apart from Winstone’s: a cockney arms dealer with an ear for a good one-liner.
If you like beefcake, you’re in for a treat. While Sean Penn’s face looks a lot like a brown paper bag that’s been scrunched up really tightly before being laid flat again, his body is that of a twenty-something Olympian. He is seriously cut in this movie with arms like Popeye and a waist that Marie Antoinette would’ve been proud of. He actually looks ridiculous. For a man suffering from PTSD who’s barely able to keep his shit together, how he finds time to go to the gym for four or five hours a day in the Congo is beyond me. The camera lingers a leeeeeeettle too long on him running back to base after an early morning surf session and it all feels a bit pornographic.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that in itself.
It’s just unusual, I guess, for it to be a man … a 54 year old man at that.
The veins are popping out of his arms in most scenes and it’s all a bit disturbing, that’s all …
Anyway, back to the plot … yeah, so .. er .. this is sub-007 fare that could well have starred Liam Neeson or Bruce Willis if it had been made ten years ago. The fact that Penn co-wrote and produced it is interesting and hints he may be taking a different direction after many years as a “serious artist”.

Animated family movie from DreamWorks about an alien species “politely” invading earth, moving all the humans to Australia while keeping the rest of the world for themselves.
Female lead ? Check.
Mixed race family ? Check.
Heroic journey ? Check.
Them v Us ? Check.
Latest celebrity voices ? Check.
A more transparent message than an entire series of Diff’rent Strokes ? Check.
Can you tell I didn’t like it yet ?
What happened to cartoons being subtle ?
What happened to cartoons working on several levels so adults and cynics (and cynical adults) can enjoy them too ?
What happened to cartoons being funny ?
This is “Antz” to the upcoming Minions movie’s “A Bug’s Life”, ie. it’s a highly unoriginal rip-off that’s nowhere near as good.
It’s not terrible by any means – it’s fine for half-term week – but it could’ve been so much better. The fact that Steve Martin, J-Lo, Rihanna and Jim Parsons (aka Sheldon Cooper) are involved should tell you there’s some serious bucks at stake here, so why is it so .. average ?
If you like Rihanna’s music, you’re in for a treat.
If you think she’s an auto-tuned pop commodity, do not see this movie.
The soundtrack is actually her new concept album. I’ll leave that thought with you for a moment ..
1-2-3, and you’re back in the room.
Overall, this is acceptable family fodder but it’s also an opportunity missed. The design of the two alien races is actually pretty cool and some of the animation is very well realised (the baddie mothership, for example) but it all feels a bit flat … a bit one-dimensional. And no, this isn’t in 3D, either.
The fact that the release was changed to the less competitive spring slot speaks volumes about DreamWorks own thoughts on its prospects and I’m afraid to say they were right …

Liam Neeson action thriller
Welcome to “Taken – but not yet !”
Following on from last year’s Taken 3, A Walk Among The Tombstones and now Run All Night, Neeson needs a holiday if you ask me.
The story revolves around two old gangster pals – Neeson and Ed Harris, who’s always a great support actor – and how one of them has done well, while the other has slipped into a bottle. With Harris now a successful – and legitimate – businessman, Neeson is down on his luck as a washed-up ex-gangland enforcer, cop killer and all round bum. Disowned by pretty much everybody ever, a series of events suddenly sees him wrapped up in his son’s life again, along with that of Harris and his own boy, both their families and associates .. and all in the space of a few short hours.
I won’t give anything away, but it’s one of those movies where vengeance and “justice” are the main driving forces and you know something’s gotta give between the main protagonists, even if they are/were old friends.
This is a pretty good thriller – nothing exceptional, but well executed in every sense of the word. There’s some seriously slick cinematography involving slo-mo and long, sweeping zooms in and out as the plot moves around New York City. At times, it felt like being in the next game in the Grand Theft Auto series, so stylized was the camera-work.
A decent work-out for Neeson but I’d really like to see him in something else now … maybe as the grumpy proprietor of a B&B on Craggy Island just as they’re starting to build the Third Best Exotic Marigold Hotel ?

Gentle British comedy drama
It’s more of the same plus Tamsin Greig and … Richard Gere !
The story has moved on a couple of years with the hotel doing extremely well, thank you, as the idea of retirement in sunny-but-not-Spain takes hold with more and more clients. So successful is the original that the plan is to enlist help from an American hotel chain to part-fund – you guessed it – a second BEMH.
What’s happened with Judi Dench and Bill Nighy ?
How about Celia Imrie ? Is Maggie Smith still alive ?
What about the young lovers – did they tie the knot or is MummyGee still interfering ?
… and who will get their wrinkly mitts on Mr Gere ?
Go and find out for yourselves.
It’s beautifully shot, with more of the lush Indian scenery than the first, more urban movie. There’s some excellent character development, great one-liners that you’ll take home with you, plus a few twists and turns along the way.
If you enjoyed the first one, you’ll feel right at home in the Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

Sci-fi action comedy/drama set in Johannesburg from the creators of District 9, starring Dev Patel, Hugh Jackman and Sigourney Weaver.
If ever a movie had my name on it, it’s CHAPPiE.
My favourite genre, one of my favourite cities in the world, with loads of guns and tech, a great cast (Patel is the manager of the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel), real belly laughs throughout and yet it remains above all else a tender morality tale for the human race.
… and there’s a massive twist at the end that’s just so clever.
No spoilers from me though. Suffice to say this is an AI movie that firmly sees you on the side of the robot. It highlights everything that’s wrong with mankind on one level, yet shines a light on everything that’s good too, even if it’s only for a few fleeting moments.
It’s beautifully shot across some of the worst parts of Jo’burg, while the CGI and animation is breathtaking. I haven’t looked into it, but I’m guessing the robots have been body-mapped from humans like Gollum in LOTR because their movement is uncannily close to that of our own.
The story twists and turns along the way, is well paced and the dialogue is spot on. Even Hugh Jackman with a mullet seemed to work !
I loved it. I just hope it translates around the world and becomes a huge hit ..

Winner of the Best Picture Oscar, 2015.
There’s a moment in Monty Python’s famous “Cheese Shop” sketch when John Cleese finally begins to unravel …
Having been through a seemingly endless list of savoury comestibles – all of which are out of stock at this particular emporium – his blood is clearly boiling. In the background, there’s a musician maniacally strumming in the corner of the store whose output seems to crank up a notch just at the point of Cleese’s explosion and in sheer exasperation he screams
“Will you shut that bloody bouzouki up !?”
I felt like that about half an hour into Birdman.
There’s no soundtrack to speak of, other than an insanely annoying drummer (seemingly a busker, just down the street from the theatre in which the movie’s set) who embarks upon what can only be described as a two-hour, freeform jazz solo …
Now, I like jazz as much as the next hepcat, but sweet Jesus I wanted it to SHUT THE FUCK UP !
The next irritation is the signature visual of the film, namely the fact that it’s a one shot feature. What I mean is, there are no cuts. No shots from different angles. No head-to-head during dialogue. No steady pan across the set then a close-up of the lead. Nothing like that, whatsoever … it’s all one shot. One long, very cleverly edited, technically superlative shot.
Yes, yes .. I get it. Get over yourself.
Hitchcock did it 60 years ago when he made Rope.
And he did it much better, like he did everything else …
I get the madness.
I get the inner voice thing.
I get the not-very-subtle references to Keaton as Batman and the yearning to be taken seriously as an artiste. To matter.
I get the in-jokes about Broadway and Hollywood.
I get that it’s vividly flawless and quite beautifully shot.
I get that Ed Norton steals the film like he’s stolen every single thing he’s ever been in, but that’s another story.
This is Michael Keaton’s Moment.
But I just didn’t like it.
As the credits rolled, I actually used the phrase “self-indulgent wank” and I stand by that.
I could’ve just written a one-word review and that would’ve been “Wank.”
I feel like the kid in The Emperor’s New Clothes and believe me when I say I’m not just doing this to be different – I really didn’t like this picture.
It’s very clever, don’t get me wrong, and there are some laugh out loud moments – Ed Norton again, mainly – but my over-riding feeling was one of maddening exasperation.
I like intelligent movies, I really do, but this one’s just smug.
Let’s make it a two word review:
“Smug wank.”

Sci-fi / Thriller – 12A
This reminded me of The Maze Runner since it was a 12A and starred a bunch of kids I had never heard of and was clearly aimed at a teen/young adult audience.
But it’s sci-fi so I watched it smile emoticon
The plot revolves around the gang discovering the plans for a time machine in the basement of the home of the lead character, Johnny, who’s just won a small scholarship to go to MIT. His dad died when he was young, but he’s followed in his footsteps being a genius science student.
They begin to put the gadget together after finding some footage on an old video camera showing modern day Johnny appearing at his own 7th birthday party – he’s clearly seen in a mirror in the background as he’s opening his own presents around a table with his parents and friends all around him. And here’s the clincher: he’s wearing the same clothes as when they discover the plans.
As the story unfolds and they get their heads around the technology, they make a pact and agree never to “jump” through time without the entire group – all five of them – and for a while it’s all going swimmingly as they notch up a lottery win allowing Johnny to pay for his university fees (that scholarship was only for $5k and his mother was about to sell the house) and take revenge on a girl bullying his sister at school, etc.
It builds itself up nicely into a classic teen “happy film” where they all get to do the things they all dreamed about .. until, inevitably, someone has to take it too far and get greedy.
No spoilers.
I can’t tell you anything more than that other than to remind you of the golden rule of time travel: you can’t mess with the time line or there will be consequences.
This isn’t anything amazing but it’s a well executed, punchy story that rolls along at a fair old pace. There’s not too much science, but plenty of fiction plus there’s a lot of humour, a few life lessons and a bit of a cliff-hanger at the end, maybe ? I wasn’t sure about the final scene but my co-viewer gave me his take and reckoned it was setting the whole thing up for a sequel … and if there is one, I would go and see it.
Any fans of any age who enjoy The Big Bang Theory should like this film.
Just don’t take it too seriously: it’s not The Butterfly Effect.

Con artist drama starring Will Smith and Margo Robbie.
Saw this tonight in a preview showing exclusively for Cineworld Unlimited card holders and it was the second one in a month, again in a more or less packed auditorium, a week before the official release and all completely free smile emoticon
First off, if you’ve seen the trailer or watched the lead actors on Top Gear at the weekend, prepare for a much deeper film than the fluffy knockabout caper movie they suggested. This is a well-crafted story, shot stylishly in great locations (mostly Buenos Aires) with an excellent cast, a funky soundtrack and above all else, one of the cleverest, wittiest and overall best scripts I’ve seen in a long time.
This is one of those movies where you want to go again and take more people with you because you know you’ll have missed a few details.
This is one of those movies where you just don’t know what’s gonna happen next.
This is one of those movies where you find yourself trying to figure out all the angles: who’s good, who’s bad, who’s fooling who, or is it just you, the viewer, being fooled … again ?
I can’t say much more than that without giving away spoilers, but if you liked American Hustle then you’ll love this. It’s not a big heist movie like the Oceans series – it’s better than any of those (maybe not the original because that’s a Hollywood masterpiece) but way better than the newer flicks. It’s got eye-candy for everyone. It’s got terrific cinematography. It’s got a gloriously twisty plot. It’s got laugh out loud moments and yet there’s some real pathos in there, too … or has it ? You decide …

Sci-fi fantasy adventure from the producers of The Matrix.
Red hot cast including Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne and Sean Bean.
First half an hour is weird: it dragged yet it jumped from plot-point to plot-point, trying to set up the story as quickly as possible and it only really slowed down when Sean Bean’s character appeared. Shortly afterwards, it all started to fall into place.
Absolutely gazillions of SFX throughout what must have been a monumentally expensive movie to bring to life. Did it work ?
Was it worth it ?
Well … there’s a rather lame love interest, some equally lame stabs at humour, yet the basic idea of the film is believable, if a little derivative (think Soylent Green and you’re in the area, but it’s not as brutal as that).
It’s an up-and-down movie in many ways: some scenes were truly epic and awe-inspiring, while others felt gimmicky and formulaic.
Overall, I would only recommend this to sci-fi fans and even then I’d suggest you see Ex Machina first.
Having said all that, the visuals were breathtaking and the costumes will blow you away. Whoever designed them deserves an award – Mila has never looked so stunning, while the chaps looked great in every scene too.
Oh, and if you’re a fan of Gollum (who isn’t ?) there’s lots of alien “keepers” to keep you amused.
See what I did there ?

bigh6BIG HERO 6
Disney meets anime. Finally.
I saw this a couple of weeks ago but went again tonight to see it in 3D because I loved it so much.
This is not just a cartoon, not just a manga movie, not just a kids film and not just a family movie – it’s all of the above and more.
It’s one of those carefully crafted works of art that you can watch time and time again (good for parents) that is superbly designed (I picked up lots of things I missed first time round) and perfectly executed (yes, there are messages in that great American style, but you’d be an idiot not to endorse them).
The balance is just right in this one and I think it’ll be another Toy Story in terms of merchandising and – hopefully – plenty of fantastic sequels.
If you’ve got kids, go see it during half term.
If you’ve not got kids, go see it now ..

Tongue-in-cheek comedy thriller.
This is so much better than I thought it would be. Colin Firth plays it deadpan all the way through, just playing himself (does he ever do anything else ?) and it’s nicely pitched between being a pastiche and a satire on .. well, everything that’s wrong with the modern world.
It’s also a ninety minute homage to Pinewood’s glorious past and a fond trip down memory lane for anyone who enjoyed Q’s bonkers gadgets as a kid. It was great to see it in a packed cinema (a special Cineworld Unlimited only preview showing) as there was a lot of laughter, snorting, guffawing and proper howling in this one.
Well worth a watch !

Sci-fi. Robot women. Tech stuff. Gadgets.
If ever a movie was made for me, then this is it.
I loved it. It’s all about AI and what makes a being of any kind conscious.
There’s a nod to Bladerunner in it, a few plot twists and kinks along the way (in every sense of the word), some you’ll see coming and a couple you won’t. Having said all that, it’s not a “Robot Movie” – it’s more subtle than that and more a morality tale than anything else … Absolutely fascinating and very well crafted.

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