The Gynaecologist

SFX : INTERIOR OF A DANK DUNGEON, A VERY SMALL ROOM, WITH WATER DRIPPING FROM THE CEILING, LEFT RIGHT AND BEHIND … HEAVY BREATHING, HEARTBEAT TO THE CENTRE
FV : How many more gynaecologists am I going to have to see before someone helps me? I’m so fed up with this …
SFX : THE CREAKING SOUND OF HOSPITAL APPARATUS AS FV ADJUSTS HER POSITION, TRYING TO GET COMFORTABLE
FV : It’s so embarrassing, sitting here like this … my feet in the stirrups .. and now I think I need to go to the bathroom too …
VOP : BUT YOU CAN’T .. YOU’RE ALL TRUSSED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO. IN A MOMENT THE LATEST IN A STRING OF DOCTORS WILL ENTER THE ROOM AND ONCE AGAIN YOU’LL BE POKED AND PRODDED AS HE TRIES IN VAIN TO FIND AN END TO THE SEARING AGONY OF CHRONIC PELVIC PAIN SYNDROME …
SFX : SHARPENING OF KNIVES ON A STEEL ON THE LEFT, SIZZLING SOUND OF A BRANDING IRON ON THE RIGHT, WHILE DRIPPING SOUNDS CONTINUE ALL ROUND
DOC : Good morning. I understand you’ve been suffering from CPPS? Let’s have a look at you, shall we?
SFX : LOUDER HEARTBEAT, BREATHING, THEN THE SNAP OF RUBBER GLOVES BEING PUT ON
DOC : Can you tell me about the problem?
FV : Well, I might be at a party – – –
SFX : OTHER SOUNDS SUBSIDE, REPLACED BY PARTY NOISE, LIGHT MUSIC, DRINKS CLINKING, BOTTLES OPENING
FV : – – – and enjoying myself, when Voice of Pain (VOP): ALL OF A SUDDEN I FEEL AN IRRESISTABLE URGE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM .. AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF PANIC TAKES OVER AND I ABRUPTLY EXCUSE MYSELF AND TRY TO STOP FROM RUNNING THERE —
SFX : HIGH HEELS RUNNING DOWN A CORRIDOR
VOP: — KNOWING ALL THE WHILE I’M ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE A WHOLE WORLD OF PAIN AS I TRY TO URINATE —
SFX : SEARING, SCREECHING SOUNDS OF METAL GRINDING ON METAL, BLOWTORCH BURNING SLOWLY ALL AROUND
FV : — outside, everyone around me is laughing and dancing and having a good time. I can hear them through the door and I want to be there too … VOP: IT’S MAKING MY LIFE A MISERY —
SFX : A WOMAN SCREAMS, THEN SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
FV : — It’s getting to the point that I don’t want to go anywhere anymore … can you HELP ME, doctor?SFX : PARTY SOUNDS END, BACK TO THE SOUNDS OF THE DUNGEON, WATER DRIPPING LEFT RIGHT AND BEHIND, AND HEAVY CENTRAL BREATHING AND HEARTBEAT AGAIN
DOC : I see … well, I think I can help you. Would you like to get dressed again?
SFX : DRESS BEING ZIPPED UP, SIGH OF RELIEF, FOOTSTEPS BACK TO THE DOC – ALL OTHER SOUNDS SUBSIDE, LEAVING SOME GENTLE BIRDSONG DRIFTING IN THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW IN THE DOC’S OFFICE
DOC : Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome is a terrible condition but there is light at the end of the tunnel. There’s a new treatment I’d like to tell you about called CYSTA-Q —
SFX : LIGHTNING CRACKS, THUNDER
VOP : NOOOOoooooo……..
DOC : — which will help stop the pain, end the embarrassment and help you to lead a normal life … I’d like to put you on a course of CYSTA-Q immediately and within a few short days —
SFX : BIRDSONG GETS SLIGHTLY LOUDER
DOC : — you should be right as rain and able to go to as many parties as you’d like

SFX : PARTY SOUNDS, AS BEFORE
FV : So, FINALLY I was able to find a gynie who could help – he knew what the problem was and with CYSTA-Q I’ve been able to get back to normal
FV2 : That’s fantastic – I was worried I’d have to find a new bridge partner!
FV + FV2 : LAUGHTER, CLINKING OF GLASSES TOGETHER